Pride & Opinions

I really liked this article in Cookie Magazine, which discusses one parent’s reaction to her son wanting to wear a dress to preschool. Obviously, it’s not the be-all end-all of fixing discrimination against differently gendered youth, but it’s a good perspective. I especially liked this part:

Sam’s declaration that he would wear the dress to school saved us, in a way, from having to make a decision. He had already made up his mind. I warned Sam carefully that if he wore it, he would probably get teased. He was undeterred, adamant about wearing the dress; clearly, avoiding teasing was a lower priority for Sam than simply being himself. I could see that standing up for his choices in a relatively safe and supportive environment was a useful life lesson. And it occurred to me that having confidence—being proud of who he is, even if he’s different from other kids—is the best defense against the inevitable ridicule.

So we coached Sam, as best we could, on what to say to the children at preschool who might tease him. We role-played the kinds of things he could say back to them. We talked about how much teasing can hurt, and how teasing is wrong.

At that morning’s drop-off, my confidence in Sam moved up a notch when he announced to his teacher, “Look at my pretty dress! No one is allowed to make fun of me.”

After school, Sam beamed as he reported that his teachers had said they liked his dress, and the other 4-year-olds had said he looked pretty. But the kids in the 5-year-old class had teased him and told him that he was “girly,” that “boys can’t wear dresses,” and that he “must not be a boy.”

“What did you say back?” I asked, hiding my trepidation behind an encouraging smile.

“I said, ‘Don’t make fun of me! I can be a boy and wear a dress, because it is my choice!’”

Read the whole article here.

Link via the Family Equality Council Blog.

GLBT Families, GLBT, Children

GLBT Families, GLBT, Children

It’s been quite the week, and with all the required napping, this third trimester of pregnancy is currently massively decreasing my productivity. But here are some links for you all to sustain a good weekend!

* Family Equality Council: “Ohio Republicans have difference of opinion regarding lesbian and gay parenting.” - “Not all Republicans are convinced it’s a good idea. Ohio House Speaker Jon Husted (R) says, “This is not an issue about gays, this is about childrenâ€?.”
* Mombian: “Nominate a Lesbian for “America’s Favorite Momâ€?” - “Does an LGBT mom really stand a chance? Who knows? Maybe they’d pick one of us just to seem trendy. Even if not, maybe we can open some eyes behind the scenes.”
* Family Equality Council: “No hate here……” - “I am overwhelmed by the majority of youth that I have come into contact with; they predominantly believe that family IS a place made of love and they aren’t imprisoned by the strict and regimented views that many take on the topic of family.”

See you Monday!

I’ve noticed in the past few months that discussions of the rights of GLBT families to adopt children have eclipsed discussion of marriage in political circles. Now, maybe some of this is my selective perception, since I’ve got babies on the brain, and maybe it’s because the beginining of actual civil unions in a lot of states has folks asking what the next step is at the same time that reactionary states are backlashing. I’m not really sure, but either way, it’s interesting. And in this case, the Family Equality Council has my opinion captured in a nutshell, when speaking about the push to ban adoption amongst gay couples in Tennessee:

The Tennessean has posted its position on the subject:

“The bill is flawed in two fundamental ways. First, the suggestion that a gay couple or an unmarried heterosexual couple, by definition, is fundamentally an unstable familial relationship is just plain mistaken. Caring couples, married or unmarried, gay or straight, exist statewide. Those relationships are not automatically unstable. To the contrary, many stable relationships are found in those categories. Some of them want to adopt children.�

The publication goes on to say that the bigger flaw is the implication that a married heterosexual couple is automatically considered a stable family environment for children.

Linda O’Neal is executive director of the Tennessee Commission on Children and Youth. She points out knowledge supported by research:

“Research also does not support restricting adoption options. The American Psychological Association reports not a single study has found children of lesbian or gay parents disadvantaged in any significant respect relative to children of heterosexual parents. Indeed, the evidence to date suggests home environments provided by lesbian and gay parents are as likely as those provided by heterosexual parents to support and enable children’s psychosocial growth. The American Psychiatric Association reports children raised in gay or lesbian households do not show any greater incidence of homosexuality or gender identity issues than other children.�

GLBT, GLBT Families, gay adoption, Tennessee

GLBT, GLBT Families, gay adoption, Tennessee

Mombian has a great summary of a new comprehensive report, the first of its kind, on the experiences of LGBT families in schools. Called “Involved, Invisible, Ignored,” it details the ways that LGBT parents are involved in their children’s educations, and the way that they are harrassed by others in those situations. As Dana points out, “At first glance, the findings seem to jibe with what I would have guessed—which makes it no less important to have this kind of data to support policymaking and drive change. I’m not sure whether to be shocked at how many LGBT families experience harassment or be relieved the numbers aren’t higher.”

According to the press release at GLSEN, who produced the study,

“Students with lesbian, gay, bisexual and/or transgender parents face isolation, invisibility and alienation due to harassment, name-calling and bullying in their schools,” said COLAGE Executive Director Beth Teper, who has a lesbian mother. “On behalf of the millions of people who have one or more LGBT parents, COLAGE urges students, schools and communities to learn about this important issue as the first step in building safe school environments for all. We also applaud youth with LGBT parents who act as educators and leaders every day when they navigate often unwelcoming schools.”

I’m looking forward to reading all 141 pages.

GLBT families, harassment, schools

GLBT families, harassment, schools

I remember when I was an undergrad that during GLBT pride week, or whatever it was called, that culminated in the Queer Union dance, there was always a sidewalk chalking that highlighted prominent GLBT figures throughout history. Though there was some question about individual people’s inclusion and whether those people were “really” gay, it was always provocative to be forced to rethink traditional historical narratives about family and important figures. Ramon’s Gay Life Blog at About.com has a good link to a Short History of Gay Rights, and here’s a good place to start:

Gay history. How far we’ve come given where we started.

“In 1779, Thomas Jefferson proposed a law that would mandate castration for gay men and mutilation of nose cartilage for gay women,” About.com Civil Liberties Guide Tom Head explains. “But that’s not the scary part. Here’s the scary part: Jefferson was considered a liberal. At the time, the most common penalty on the books was death.”

Today, some 224 years later, we must continue to demand gay equality. We must. LGBT teens make up 33% all teen suicides. Gays and lesbians are still targets of hate crimes. If my partner were severally ill, I would have no legal right to make medical decision or transfer my pension in the case of my death. The list of things I consider natural rights seems endless,. Yet I pause to celebrate how far we’ve come. I must, in hope of a brighter future.

A little learning’s never a bad thing.

GLBT, GLBT History

GLBT, GLBT History

I always think of the PTA as the bastion of stay at home moms in all their stereotypes, but the Family Equality Council blog has a different take - they say that LGBT parents should join the PTA not only to create connections with other parents but also to increase diversity and inclusiveness throughout the school:

It’s particularly important that LGBTQ parents get and stay active in groups like the Parent Teacher Assocation (PTA). PTA activities often set the tone for the school culture. Parents build relationships with other parents and teachers through shared work and efforts to improve the schools, and therefore get invested in each other and each others’ families.

Being involved in the PTA should first be about improving the educational experience of a child’s life, but in the case of LGBTQ parents, involvement doubles as a way to make the school safer and more inclusive of diverse family types.

I admit, I hadn’t really thought of this angle, but it’s a good tip, especially since study after study indicates that hatred and discrimination decrease with actual contact to people who are different from oneself. What do you all think - would you join the PTA to increase diversity in your child’s school?

GLBT Families, GLBT, PTA

GLBT Families, GLBT, PTA

This Friday, for my link round-up, I’m actually highlighting one series at The Republic of T., because I think it’s really good, and, although long, really is a must-read for everyone who cares about LGBT rights and the disenfranchised in general. It’s not short, but definitely good.

* The Society of the Owned, Pt. 1: “The ownership society that has always been is just more clearly identified than before, as is the society of the owned now. The trick, and it worked for a while, was to convince the society of the owned that it too was part of the ownership society.”
* The Society of the Owned, Pt. 2: Under the Bus: “Conservatism apparently holds that some people should end up under the bus, or at the very least no one should try to keep them from ending up there.”
* The Society of the Owned, Pt. 3: Deeper in Debt: “What happens when people who thought they were members of the ownership society find out they’re not, and find out which club they really belong to?”
* The Society of the Owned, Pt. 4: Caught in the Middle: “Upward mobility in the American economy has always been something like the popular 1980s computer game, “Frogger,â€? in which players had to maneuver their frogs across a busy street.”
* The Society of the Owned, Pt.5: The Rage of a Middle Class: “The only sector that’s experiencing job growth (besides government, ironically enough, given the current administration) is the service industry — where wages are lower and benefits fewer — and even that growth is outpace by job losses in other sectors, where does that leave the laid-off middle class homeowner whose mortgage payment just went up at the same time that the value of her home plummeted and her bank cut off access to the home equity loan that many like her would might otherwise draw upon?”

Terrance mentions that there will be more posts in this series, and I’ll be sure to highlight them when they come up.

When I got married in 2004, my sister was my honor attendant, and did me the gigantic favor of wearing probably the only dress of her adult life. What I didn’t know, when asking her to do me this gigantic favor, was that my wedding fell on the weekend of the Minneapolis Gay Pride Parade. This was good for my sister, I guess, because our wedding was downtown in the same area as the parade, so there was quite the party. But it was one hell of a weekend, and not exactly un-busy, even though she wasn’t the one getting married!

If you’re trying to get things settled for your summer, Ramon’s Gay Life Blog at About.com has a good round-up of both the 2008 Gay Pride Dates and also the 2008 Black Gay Pride Dates, which definitely deserves more attention. As Ramon points out,

In many instances, LGBT people are thought of and referenced as one homogeneous community and not as the diverse cultures within it. Gay and lesbian people come from a variety of backgrounds and ethnic groups. One could say some of us represent a culture within a culture. These differences can pose unique challenges when addressing individual needs. And often times many LGBT people feel they better relate to same-gender-loving individuals in their own ethnic groups.

One example is African-American LGBT people, whose unique needs prompted the creation of a number of black LGBT prides in major cities throughout the country. These pride celebrations for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender African-Americans are growing in numbers and are usually scheduled during the same time of year as traditional gay pride parades.

Whatever your culture or persuasion, there’s a parade for you this coming June - find it!

GLBT, Gay Rights, Gay Pride, 2008 Pride Parades

GLBT, Gay Rights, Gay Pride, 2008 Pride Parades

Queercents has an interesting article today on the gendering of money - the ways in which money is spent and valued differently based on whether you’re feminine or masculine. In general, I’m suspicious of claims that all men spend money in one way and all women spend it in another, and I liked the article’s take on the subject:

I’ve also often heard the generalization that, in investing, “men are more confident, while women are more realistic.� And then, of course, there are the stereotypes that young men are walking, talking, video-game-playing Judd Apatow movies who live in their momma’s basements and refuse to grow up until they turn 45, and young women are vapid consumerist zombies with too many shoes. I tend to hugely resent generalizations and stereotypes based on gender difference, especially those offered without a lot of critical awareness. I know young (and older) people of a wide variety of genders who are on top of their money—and who are not.

A critical conversation about gender difference can be interesting and productive, though. Gender difference doesn’t just happen–from little girls’ toys to grown women’s office dress code, gender is created and re-created all the time. Money is–as usual–a interesting lens to see into this part of our lives.

But though it’s certainly implied through a discussion of Suze Orman, the article doesn’t explicitly discuss the relationship between the gendered money of men and women to the gendered money of GLBT men and women - so I’d like to expand the conversation. How do you think the gendering of money affects GLBT individuals? Setting aside the stereotypes about rich gay men for a moment, are there real ways that money is gendered to affect the GLBT community? I think there are definitely some situations brought on by a lack of fair access to traditional structures, like mortgage incentives and tax breaks, that force GLBT people to spend differently in order to have the same things, but do you think it affects the reasons people spend? I’m not sure, but I think a discussion could be interesting.

GLBT, Finance, Gendered Money, Queercents

GLBT, Finance, Gendered Money, Queercents

AfterElton has a well-done, if depressing, look at gay-baiting in election coverage. I feel like it should surprise me that mainstream news folks feel it’s totally appropriate to make sexist, racist and homophobic comments about nominees, but it doesn’t, and that seems even sadder.

GLBT, Elections, Campaign 2008, Politics

GLBT, Elections, Campaign 2008, Politics