Pride & Opinions

Good morning, happy Monday, and will someone please either fix my coffee pot or get me a new one before I go ballistic on someone? This instant crap is not cutting it. Hopefully doing this morning’s Ask Adri column will wake me up. Today’s is…well, it’s something else. I’ll be honest: when I first read this letter, my initial thoughts ran somewhere along the lines of “wtf?” followed by “if I were your fiancee, I’d slap you.”

Dear Adrien,

My fiancee will be moving to California soon and she will no longer have her gay best friend around. How do I find another gay man for her to be friends with so I don’t have to go see the new Hairspray movie/Scissor Sisters Concerts/Rent?

Any help in this manner would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Too Straight in California

My friend, if you’re thinking of putting out a personals ad for your fiancee: put the newspaper down, and don’t you dare call to ask about advertising rates. Do you realize that you’re effectively asking me how you can pimp your lady out for a new gay man?

This entire concept is a bad idea, and a disaster waiting to happen. Not only that, it’s just rude.

First: your fiancee’s gay best friend isn’t just a stereotypical token to take your place at social events that you deem “too gay” for you to possibly enjoy. He’s a person that has more value to her than that, with a personality, hobbies, a life that makes him your future wife’s friend and confidante, and not this cardboard substitute. You can’t replace that just by picking out another queer and shoving him at her.

Second: Not all gay men like the same things. Frankly, I’m not that big on Scissor Sisters, and yet one of my straight friends loves them. Same with Rent. Don’t pigeonhole us.

Third: Your fiancee (who may or may not become your wife if you actually attempt something as screwheaded as trying to find a new gay friend for her) is a grown woman who is perfectly capable of making friends on her own. She doesn’t need you to play matchmaker for her. Have a little more respect than that.

Being “too straight” is no excuse for being dense. Explain to your fiancee that you don’t enjoy going to these events with her, but you wouldn’t mind doing other things together that you both enjoy…but don’t try to foist her off on someone else to ease your conscience. No doubt she’d rather go alone than put up with you fidgeting through the entire thing, or the awkwardness of dealing with some strange fellow that her husband-to-be picked out for her. She might make new friends with the same interests - male, female, gay, straight, it won’t matter - but that’s her business, and her social life.

If she wants your help with that, she’ll ask you. Otherwise, man, just step out of it before you step in it up to your bloody neck. There are very few ways that this can end well, and I don’t see many of them in your future.

Caffeine-deficiently yours,
~Adri

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ask adri, gay social life, gay friends, rent, scissor sisters, hairspray