Pride & Opinions

I really liked this article in Cookie Magazine, which discusses one parent’s reaction to her son wanting to wear a dress to preschool. Obviously, it’s not the be-all end-all of fixing discrimination against differently gendered youth, but it’s a good perspective. I especially liked this part:

Sam’s declaration that he would wear the dress to school saved us, in a way, from having to make a decision. He had already made up his mind. I warned Sam carefully that if he wore it, he would probably get teased. He was undeterred, adamant about wearing the dress; clearly, avoiding teasing was a lower priority for Sam than simply being himself. I could see that standing up for his choices in a relatively safe and supportive environment was a useful life lesson. And it occurred to me that having confidence—being proud of who he is, even if he’s different from other kids—is the best defense against the inevitable ridicule.

So we coached Sam, as best we could, on what to say to the children at preschool who might tease him. We role-played the kinds of things he could say back to them. We talked about how much teasing can hurt, and how teasing is wrong.

At that morning’s drop-off, my confidence in Sam moved up a notch when he announced to his teacher, “Look at my pretty dress! No one is allowed to make fun of me.”

After school, Sam beamed as he reported that his teachers had said they liked his dress, and the other 4-year-olds had said he looked pretty. But the kids in the 5-year-old class had teased him and told him that he was “girly,” that “boys can’t wear dresses,” and that he “must not be a boy.”

“What did you say back?” I asked, hiding my trepidation behind an encouraging smile.

“I said, ‘Don’t make fun of me! I can be a boy and wear a dress, because it is my choice!’”

Read the whole article here.

Link via the Family Equality Council Blog.

GLBT Families, GLBT, Children

GLBT Families, GLBT, Children

I’ve noticed in the past few months that discussions of the rights of GLBT families to adopt children have eclipsed discussion of marriage in political circles. Now, maybe some of this is my selective perception, since I’ve got babies on the brain, and maybe it’s because the beginining of actual civil unions in a lot of states has folks asking what the next step is at the same time that reactionary states are backlashing. I’m not really sure, but either way, it’s interesting. And in this case, the Family Equality Council has my opinion captured in a nutshell, when speaking about the push to ban adoption amongst gay couples in Tennessee:

The Tennessean has posted its position on the subject:

“The bill is flawed in two fundamental ways. First, the suggestion that a gay couple or an unmarried heterosexual couple, by definition, is fundamentally an unstable familial relationship is just plain mistaken. Caring couples, married or unmarried, gay or straight, exist statewide. Those relationships are not automatically unstable. To the contrary, many stable relationships are found in those categories. Some of them want to adopt children.”

The publication goes on to say that the bigger flaw is the implication that a married heterosexual couple is automatically considered a stable family environment for children.

Linda O’Neal is executive director of the Tennessee Commission on Children and Youth. She points out knowledge supported by research:

“Research also does not support restricting adoption options. The American Psychological Association reports not a single study has found children of lesbian or gay parents disadvantaged in any significant respect relative to children of heterosexual parents. Indeed, the evidence to date suggests home environments provided by lesbian and gay parents are as likely as those provided by heterosexual parents to support and enable children’s psychosocial growth. The American Psychiatric Association reports children raised in gay or lesbian households do not show any greater incidence of homosexuality or gender identity issues than other children.”

GLBT, GLBT Families, gay adoption, Tennessee

GLBT, GLBT Families, gay adoption, Tennessee

Mombian has a great summary of a new comprehensive report, the first of its kind, on the experiences of LGBT families in schools. Called “Involved, Invisible, Ignored,” it details the ways that LGBT parents are involved in their children’s educations, and the way that they are harrassed by others in those situations. As Dana points out, “At first glance, the findings seem to jibe with what I would have guessed—which makes it no less important to have this kind of data to support policymaking and drive change. I’m not sure whether to be shocked at how many LGBT families experience harassment or be relieved the numbers aren’t higher.”

According to the press release at GLSEN, who produced the study,

“Students with lesbian, gay, bisexual and/or transgender parents face isolation, invisibility and alienation due to harassment, name-calling and bullying in their schools,” said COLAGE Executive Director Beth Teper, who has a lesbian mother. “On behalf of the millions of people who have one or more LGBT parents, COLAGE urges students, schools and communities to learn about this important issue as the first step in building safe school environments for all. We also applaud youth with LGBT parents who act as educators and leaders every day when they navigate often unwelcoming schools.”

I’m looking forward to reading all 141 pages.

GLBT families, harassment, schools

GLBT families, harassment, schools

I always think of the PTA as the bastion of stay at home moms in all their stereotypes, but the Family Equality Council blog has a different take - they say that LGBT parents should join the PTA not only to create connections with other parents but also to increase diversity and inclusiveness throughout the school:

It’s particularly important that LGBTQ parents get and stay active in groups like the Parent Teacher Assocation (PTA). PTA activities often set the tone for the school culture. Parents build relationships with other parents and teachers through shared work and efforts to improve the schools, and therefore get invested in each other and each others’ families.

Being involved in the PTA should first be about improving the educational experience of a child’s life, but in the case of LGBTQ parents, involvement doubles as a way to make the school safer and more inclusive of diverse family types.

I admit, I hadn’t really thought of this angle, but it’s a good tip, especially since study after study indicates that hatred and discrimination decrease with actual contact to people who are different from oneself. What do you all think - would you join the PTA to increase diversity in your child’s school?

GLBT Families, GLBT, PTA

GLBT Families, GLBT, PTA

As a follow up to this post about talking with teens about LGBT issues, I thought people might be interested in reading the Family Equality Council’s take on How to Deal with A Homophobic Teacher. It’s all well and good to talk with your kids about issues they might be facing, but what happens when the person who’s supposed to be teaching them information and interesting subjects is discriminatory instead? The Family Equality Council’s answer has a lot of good information, but my favorite part is this:

However you define what is homophobic, documentation is key. If you sense homophobia in a teacher (or any other school official, for that matter), keep a log of when you sense the homophobia and why. Should you feel the need to address your concerns with a supervisor, you’re better off having a record to stand on.

It might seem weird to keep track of behavior of a teacher, but if there’s a history of slurs or exclusive practices, you’ll want to have a list so there’s a track of such things. Read the whole article - it’s good.

[tags] GLBT, GLBT families, homophobia [/tag]

One of the most disturbing phenomena for me in dealing with teenagers is the frequency with which they use the word “gay” to describe things that are bad, and seem to have no self-consciousness about why this might be a bad choice. I’m constantly sort of horrified, because it seems to become way more prevalent in situations where you’re dealing with lots of kids at once, like at camps or other summer programs. I coach debate, so this is something I’ve definitely noticed - when you’re dealing with 4 kids, they tend to be pretty polite and circumspect, but when there are seventy of them? Watch out.

One of the easiest ways to combat this situation, however, is to talk with your kid, or the kids you’re with, about GLBT issues up front, so you don’t have to have the scary moment where one kid calls another kid “gay” and your impulse is to scream even though you know it’s the wrong reaction. That’s why I was glad to see that Mombian has a guest post up at Teens Today with Vanessa Van Petten that’s about talking with your teens about LGBT issues. As she says,

LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) people are more visible in today’s society than ever before. LGBT-rights issues are often in the news, and LGBT-headed families are taking an open, active part in local schools and communities. (Gay and lesbian families live in 99.3 percent of all counties in the U.S., according to the 2000 Census.)

Not only that, but as children reach their teens, some may themselves discover that they are LGBT, or at least wonder about it. For all these reasons, it is important to discuss with our children what it means to be LGBT, how to respond when meeting someone who is LGBT or who has LGBT parents, and how to be tolerant and respectful of others even if one doesn’t believe that being LGBT is morally right. If you need convincing that such knowledge is a necessity in our world today, read the Human Rights Campaign’s “A Few Facts” (PDF), a brief overview of the changing structure of U.S. families, children of LGBT parents, the impact of bullying and anti-LGBT name-calling at schools, and the early development of sexual orientation.

She says it’s not meant to be comprehensive, but I think it’s a good place to start.

GLBT Families, GLBT, Teenagers

GLBT Families, GLBT, Teenagers

As I get closer to impending parenthood, one of the things that concerns me is finding reading material that is both high quality and include diverse perspectives on what constitutes a family and how different families operate. While I like the classics and will continue to read them, I don’t want my child to grow up thinking that only the so-called “nuclear family” is the norm. Luckily for me, the Family Equality Council has declared February to be National Diversity Book Month for Children, and has compiled a site filled with activities to celebrate, as well as an extensive book list. I like the idea of finding a couple you like and buying an extra copy for the local library, and it’s one I’m thinking of implementing here.

Link via Mombian, who also has some good additions to the book list.

GLBT, GLBT Families, Family Equality Council, National Diversity Book Month

GLBT, GLBT Families, Family Equality Council, National Diversity Book Month