Pride & Opinions

After writing this post, I found this follow up article that I think presents an interesting alternate perspective on the question of gays in the military. Despite the potential for advances in rights, in my opinion, war is still net bad, and the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy is bad no matter how many people flaunt it or slowly change the system. Mombian provides an incredibly powerful explanation of one of the downsides to this policy through an article that highlights the price - both financial and emotional - one family pays for daring to be a lesbian family in the military. As she explains,

The financial and practical hardships are tough, but the couple struggles most with the emotional ones. When Parker’s unit returned from Iraq, Lewis and the boys did not attend their homecoming parade. Parker will soon have a promotion ceremony, which for married officers involves their spouse and children. The boys will stay home with Lewis that day, unable to see their mother rewarded for her work and commitment. When Parker retires, her children will not see Lewis presented with a bouquet and a retirement certificate signed by the President of the United States like other spouses, a gesture of appreciation for her role in caring for the family during Parker’s years of service.

Parker and Lewis know a few other military same-sex couples with children, but not enough to form a support network in the shifting world of deployments and postings. In an email, Victor Maldonado of the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network says it is impossible to tell how many such families there are, for the law prevents them from identifying themselves.

Parker expresses the feelings of many LGBT service members when she asks “How do I fight for the rights of others when mine are so restricted? They’re taking convicted felons into the military, but I’m beneath a convicted felon.� The worst part is, she says, “Because of that, my kids have to suffer.�

The fact that Cheryl Parker and Donna Lewis are punished for the daring act of being a family is ridiculous, and the article does an excellent job of pointing out drawbacks and penalties for GLBT families that aren’t necessarily immediately apparent. If you have a family member or friend who needs convincing that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is a terrible policy, this article is a good place to start in changing their mind.

GLBT, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, DADT, gays in the military, lesbian families

GLBT, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, DADT, gays in the military, lesbian families