Pride & Opinions

When I got married in 2004, my sister was my honor attendant, and did me the gigantic favor of wearing probably the only dress of her adult life. What I didn’t know, when asking her to do me this gigantic favor, was that my wedding fell on the weekend of the Minneapolis Gay Pride Parade. This was good for my sister, I guess, because our wedding was downtown in the same area as the parade, so there was quite the party. But it was one hell of a weekend, and not exactly un-busy, even though she wasn’t the one getting married!

If you’re trying to get things settled for your summer, Ramon’s Gay Life Blog at About.com has a good round-up of both the 2008 Gay Pride Dates and also the 2008 Black Gay Pride Dates, which definitely deserves more attention. As Ramon points out,

In many instances, LGBT people are thought of and referenced as one homogeneous community and not as the diverse cultures within it. Gay and lesbian people come from a variety of backgrounds and ethnic groups. One could say some of us represent a culture within a culture. These differences can pose unique challenges when addressing individual needs. And often times many LGBT people feel they better relate to same-gender-loving individuals in their own ethnic groups.

One example is African-American LGBT people, whose unique needs prompted the creation of a number of black LGBT prides in major cities throughout the country. These pride celebrations for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender African-Americans are growing in numbers and are usually scheduled during the same time of year as traditional gay pride parades.

Whatever your culture or persuasion, there’s a parade for you this coming June - find it!

GLBT, Gay Rights, Gay Pride, 2008 Pride Parades

GLBT, Gay Rights, Gay Pride, 2008 Pride Parades

Queercents has an interesting article today on the gendering of money - the ways in which money is spent and valued differently based on whether you’re feminine or masculine. In general, I’m suspicious of claims that all men spend money in one way and all women spend it in another, and I liked the article’s take on the subject:

I’ve also often heard the generalization that, in investing, “men are more confident, while women are more realistic.� And then, of course, there are the stereotypes that young men are walking, talking, video-game-playing Judd Apatow movies who live in their momma’s basements and refuse to grow up until they turn 45, and young women are vapid consumerist zombies with too many shoes. I tend to hugely resent generalizations and stereotypes based on gender difference, especially those offered without a lot of critical awareness. I know young (and older) people of a wide variety of genders who are on top of their money—and who are not.

A critical conversation about gender difference can be interesting and productive, though. Gender difference doesn’t just happen–from little girls’ toys to grown women’s office dress code, gender is created and re-created all the time. Money is–as usual–a interesting lens to see into this part of our lives.

But though it’s certainly implied through a discussion of Suze Orman, the article doesn’t explicitly discuss the relationship between the gendered money of men and women to the gendered money of GLBT men and women - so I’d like to expand the conversation. How do you think the gendering of money affects GLBT individuals? Setting aside the stereotypes about rich gay men for a moment, are there real ways that money is gendered to affect the GLBT community? I think there are definitely some situations brought on by a lack of fair access to traditional structures, like mortgage incentives and tax breaks, that force GLBT people to spend differently in order to have the same things, but do you think it affects the reasons people spend? I’m not sure, but I think a discussion could be interesting.

GLBT, Finance, Gendered Money, Queercents

GLBT, Finance, Gendered Money, Queercents

AfterElton has a well-done, if depressing, look at gay-baiting in election coverage. I feel like it should surprise me that mainstream news folks feel it’s totally appropriate to make sexist, racist and homophobic comments about nominees, but it doesn’t, and that seems even sadder.

GLBT, Elections, Campaign 2008, Politics

GLBT, Elections, Campaign 2008, Politics

Sorry for that impromptu little vacation last week. I promise to keep this here blog updated for the foreseeable future.

So, I know that the Oscars were a while ago, and that most people are over and done with them. But if you weren’t paying attention, you might have missed the best GLBT news to come out of them, which is that the documentary Freeheld won an Oscar. What’s Freeheld, you ask? 365gay.com says this:

(Hollywood, California) A documentary film on the struggle by New Jersey police officer Laurel Hester’s struggle to have her domestic partner recognized as her next of kin has won an Academy Award.

“Freeheld: The Laurel Hester Story” was directed and produced by filmmaker Cynthia Wade. The award was presented Sunday night at the 80th Annual Academy Awards, held at the Kodak Theater in Los Angeles.

“We are thrilled that this powerful film, one that has the potential to change hearts and minds concerning fairness for gay couples, has been honored,” said Neil Giuliano president of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. “We congratulate Cynthia Wade on her achievement and say ’bravo’ to the Academy for their selection.”

Hester had been a lieutenant with the Ocean County Prosecutor’s Office. Diagnosed with terminal cancer she was forced to retire. In late 2005, as the disease progressed she appealed to the Ocean County, New Jersey freeholders to give her same-sex partner her death benefits.

Although New Jersey recognized same-sex couples it left it up to local governments to determine if benefits should be offered the partners of employees.

After listening to her request, and her concern that when she died her partner, Stacie Andree, might lose their home, with little discussion the freeholders rejected the request.

The story was picked up across the country and as pressure mounted on freeholders she was allowed to make a second plea a month later. Filmmaker Wade traveled to Ocean County and chronicled the events that followed.

Too ill to appear in person Hester (pictured) appeared via video tape from her hospital room.

In a frail voice, and often gasping for air, Hester begged for recognition of her partnership with Andree.

“All I’m asking for is that you sign the resolution and that you make a change, a change for good, a change for righteousness and a change in the lives of so many people that have dedicated themselves to county government.”

After the moving tape was played a second vote was held and resolution passed.

A month later Hester died. (story)

“Freeheld: The Laurel Hester Story,” premiered last year at the Sundance Film Festival.

Wade said that she promised Hester she would submit the film for consideration for an Academy Award.

Garden State Equality which had lobbied freeholders on Hester’s behalf held an Oscar party in New Jersey to watch the awards presentation. Members let out a cheer when the award was presented to “Freeheld”.

Garden State Equality chair Steven Goldstein said the film should spur on state lawmakers to amend the civil union law to provide for full marriage for same-sex couples.

“Because of the failure of the civil union law, there are new Laurel Hesters all across New Jersey,” said Goldstein.

” Same-sex couples denied equal benefits by employers, struggling to make ends meet, struggling to maintain their dignity, in the face of a civil union law that segregates, discriminates and humiliates.”

Last week a government commission released a report saying the civil union law had failed to provide the same equality as marriage.

The Oscar win is a triumph, and a stark reminder about the necessity of protections for GLBT relationships, because the threat of discrimination is all too real. I’m glad for them, but sad Laurel Hester couldn’t get what she needed.

Link via Lez Keep it Real.

Freeheld, Oscars, GLBT, gay marriage

Freeheld, Oscars, GLBT, gay marriage

Perhaps because of the fact that the Democratic nomination for president this year is between a black man and a white woman, questions of identity politics seem much more prevalent in mainstream news coverage. Basically, they seek to ask the question - to what extent is having a phsyical representation of minority participation in government as important or more important than the policies that that person represents.

Earlier this year on an episode of The View, Kathy Griffin summed up one perspective when she said that voting for Condoleeza Rice as president (were she ever to run) would not be a pro-minority act, since although she is a black woman, the policies she supports are not pro-women themselves. Others made the argument, when John Edwards was still in the presdiential race, that his policies made him a better friend to minorities than the fact that both Obama and Clinton are actual members of minority groups.

Now, some GLBT groups are seeking to get into the representation game by actively seeking openly GLBT folks to serve in the next presidential administration, regardless of their political affiliation. As 365gay.com notes,

The Gay & Lesbian Leadership Institute, the Human Rights Campaign, National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and Stonewall Democrats have formed The Presidential Appointments Project.

In a statement the groups said that the effort will be non-partisan. It is aimed at “growing the pool of openly LGBT professionals who would be qualified and ready to accept politically appointed positions in the next presidential administration.”

“Our goal is to make sure all Americans have an equal voice in their government,” said Chuck Wolfe, president of GLLI.

The Presidential Appointments Project will identify, recruit and vet openly LGBT applicants for thousands of executive branch positions that will be filled with political appointees after the next president is sworn in the organization said in the statement.

I think that this is an admirable goal, but that we shouldn’t substitute material representation for political change - if all the GLBT folks now in government as a result of this task force are there but don’t support programs to expand rights for Gay Families, it’s a step forward, but not a particularly big one. What do you think?

Today is the district qualifying tournament for nationals for the college debate team that I work with, so good luck to them! Here are some good reads to keep you entertained through the weekend. I picked mostly long stories, because personal narratives seem the most interesting to me at the moment:

* AlterNet: “Becoming a Black Man,” - Is racism felt differently based on gender? I think we know the answer to this one. Link via Feministe.
* Family Equality Council: “Not Your Everyday Trip to Social Security,” - It was a total pain for my husband and I to both hyphenate our names, so I can’t even imagine this situation.
* Queercents: “Foster Parents Balance Emotional Economy,” - I’ve often contemplated being a foster parent, and this is a good perspective on being one.

Have a good weekend!

Racism, GLBT, Transgender, intersectionality, adoption, GLBT Families, Foster Parents

Racism, GLBT, Transgender, intersectionality, adoption, GLBT Families, Foster Parents

As a follow up to this post about talking with teens about LGBT issues, I thought people might be interested in reading the Family Equality Council’s take on How to Deal with A Homophobic Teacher. It’s all well and good to talk with your kids about issues they might be facing, but what happens when the person who’s supposed to be teaching them information and interesting subjects is discriminatory instead? The Family Equality Council’s answer has a lot of good information, but my favorite part is this:

However you define what is homophobic, documentation is key. If you sense homophobia in a teacher (or any other school official, for that matter), keep a log of when you sense the homophobia and why. Should you feel the need to address your concerns with a supervisor, you’re better off having a record to stand on.

It might seem weird to keep track of behavior of a teacher, but if there’s a history of slurs or exclusive practices, you’ll want to have a list so there’s a track of such things. Read the whole article - it’s good.

[tags] GLBT, GLBT families, homophobia [/tag]

I tend to think of sexuality in pretty abstract terms, by which I mean that I’ve never really worried about what categories people fall into, and tend to fall in the camp of “let people define themselves however they like and I’ll deal with it,” since it doesn’t seem to affect me one way or the other. I don’t mean that in an apathetic way - I’m devoted to the cause of increasing inclusivity, but as a GLBT Ally who identifies as heterosexual, it’s never seemed to be my place to tell others how they should or shouldn’t define their sexuality.

So I found this article at Ramone’s Fay life Blog about “fearing” bisexuality to be interesting. He asks,

The bisexual man: a confused player that can’t be completely trusted by other men or women since neither can fulfill his complete desires. The bisexual woman: a sexually liberal confidant eager to share her desires with multiple partners of choice. These: perceptions that run rampant among skeptics who consider bisexuality a phase (or as a permission slip for infidelity) and not a position of sexual moderatism.

Ironically, bi misconceptions don’t go both ways (at least not equally). The men are easily seen as hosts of mistrust and the women: mavens of straight male fantasy. Are bisexual women more readily accepted than bi men? Why are bisexual women so often reduced to sex? Why is the bisexual man seen as having an insatiable sexual appetite?

His roundup of different reader reactions to bisexuality and its perceived stereotypes is interesting; I recommend reading the whole thing.

bisexuality, GLBT, stereotypes, bisexuality myths

bisexuality, GLBT, stereotypes, bisexuality myths

One of the most disturbing phenomena for me in dealing with teenagers is the frequency with which they use the word “gay” to describe things that are bad, and seem to have no self-consciousness about why this might be a bad choice. I’m constantly sort of horrified, because it seems to become way more prevalent in situations where you’re dealing with lots of kids at once, like at camps or other summer programs. I coach debate, so this is something I’ve definitely noticed - when you’re dealing with 4 kids, they tend to be pretty polite and circumspect, but when there are seventy of them? Watch out.

One of the easiest ways to combat this situation, however, is to talk with your kid, or the kids you’re with, about GLBT issues up front, so you don’t have to have the scary moment where one kid calls another kid “gay” and your impulse is to scream even though you know it’s the wrong reaction. That’s why I was glad to see that Mombian has a guest post up at Teens Today with Vanessa Van Petten that’s about talking with your teens about LGBT issues. As she says,

LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) people are more visible in today’s society than ever before. LGBT-rights issues are often in the news, and LGBT-headed families are taking an open, active part in local schools and communities. (Gay and lesbian families live in 99.3 percent of all counties in the U.S., according to the 2000 Census.)

Not only that, but as children reach their teens, some may themselves discover that they are LGBT, or at least wonder about it. For all these reasons, it is important to discuss with our children what it means to be LGBT, how to respond when meeting someone who is LGBT or who has LGBT parents, and how to be tolerant and respectful of others even if one doesn’t believe that being LGBT is morally right. If you need convincing that such knowledge is a necessity in our world today, read the Human Rights Campaign’s “A Few Facts� (PDF), a brief overview of the changing structure of U.S. families, children of LGBT parents, the impact of bullying and anti-LGBT name-calling at schools, and the early development of sexual orientation.

She says it’s not meant to be comprehensive, but I think it’s a good place to start.

GLBT Families, GLBT, Teenagers

GLBT Families, GLBT, Teenagers

I’m pretty sure that I think that this is good news, but I’m not sure. According to Gay Rights Watch,

Officials in the Poway school district near San Diego did not violate the First Amendment rights of a student they punished for wearing a homophobic T-shirt to class, a federal judge ruled.
Tyler Chase Harper sued the school district in 2004, arguing that his rights were violated when he was removed from class for wearing the anti-gay shirt on the Day of Silence, which is intended to promote tolerance of gays and lesbians. The shirt read “I Will Not Accept What God Has Condemned” on one side and “Homosexuality Is Shameful, Romans 1:27″ on the other side.

The next day, he wore the same shirt, but it had been altered to read “Be Ashamed [of What] Our School Has Embraced.” School administrators asked him to remove his shirt on the second day because they said it violated their dress code, which bans promotion of “violent or hateful behavior.”

Harper refused, and he was removed from class and assigned to the front office to complete his day’s remaining schoolwork.

So here’s the conundrum. I am generally very pro-free speech, especially when it comes to students, who I believe we allow to have their rights trampled in the name of keeping order, which I guess has a place but is not the primary goal of an education. At the same time, to me, the difference seems to be between the two shirt options - the first one is obviously acceptable and protected because it states an (abhorrent) opinion, and gives the student’s personal opinion on the matter (that the bible verse means he won’t accept tolerance). But on the second day, the student altered the t-shirt to direct it towards others, to say that they should be ashamed, which is what crosses the line. To me, it’s similar to the difference between wearing a t-shirt that has a bible verse about a woman obeying her husband, and saying you agree with it, and wearing a t-shirt that has the directive “Woman, Get Back into the Kitchen!” on it. The fact that the second verse is directed towards others makes it hateful, where the first is legitimately protected speech.

Note that I make this argument without reference to its ability to disrupt class, and that’s because, as I mentioned, I’m not sure that I agree that that’s a legitimate function of the educational system. New and radical ideas are supposed to provoke change. And they’re supposed to make people think, and maybe, if racism or sexism or heterosexism are the norm at your high school, and it’s radical to challenge that, you should be disrupting the educational process of your school. So I’m conflicted, but ultimately think that hate speech laws are generally good.

What do you think?

Free Speech, ACLU, GLBT, Hate Speech

Free Speech, ACLU, GLBT, Hate Speech