Pride & Opinions

It really bothers me when people won’t call someone by the name that they’d prefer to be called by. You know, like, someone’s name is Gertrude, but they’d prefer Trudy, and people just refuse? The occasional grandparents isn’t too bad, but at some point it just becomes impolite. And by impolite, I mean that it is not engaging in the act of politeness, as the dictionary defines it, “Marked by or showing consideration for others, tact, and observance of accepted social usage.” I think that the first two parts of that sentence are the more important parts, though I suppose it provides a good limit on the necessity of calling people whatever they want, should they want to be called something vastly inappropriate. You call someone by their preferred nickname because you are considerate of their feelings, and because it shouldn’t make any difference to you one way or the other. To refuse to do so, or to refuse to pay attention for long enough that it becomes rude, is to fail at that consideration.

So, for me, a lot of questions about the politics of naming or words related to GLBT questions are really politeness questions. If someone is transgender, for example, and would prefer to be called by a feminine rather than masculine sounding name, or be referred to using masculine rather than feminine pronouns, what should you do? Obviously, you call them that name (assuming it’s not a swear word or something), and use those pronouns, because it would be impolite not to do so. Your feelings about that lifestyle or anything else are irrelevant - it is simply a matter of consideration and tact.

The same is true for words connoting relationships. If someone wants me to call their long-term partner of the same sex their “wife,” who cares? It doesn’t affect me one way or the other, but it does reflect a lack of consideration for their feelings on my part if I refuse for some political reason. Especially since, at that point, I would be the one injecting politics into the conversation, not them.

Words mean lots of different things to different people, and I’m not saying that every situation is the same. But honestly, when you think about it, can’t most of these problems be solved simply by being courteous towards others?

GLBT, names, transgender, courtesy

GLBT, names, transgender, courtesy